Tag Archives: Awareness

Abundant Life

A friend of mine brought a wonderful quotation to my attention, but she didn’t say where it came from. I apologise for not giving credit where it is due:

The Abundant Life begins when we give up all hope of ever having a better past

I am having some struggle with staying in the moment these days. I have quite a lot of big changes coming and I am sure that the uncertainty is enticing me to bring out The Controller and also to look back and think that if things had been different, these changes wouldn’t be necessary.

What insanity it is to look back and wish it was different? And even more so to try to control the future and others.

Imagine I could give up these very unhelpful behaviours, I would be free from the pain they cause, and abundance would be my prize. So the first step is to recognise all the things that I am trying to have power over, but in fact I have none. The second step is where I come to see that a Power greater than myself can free me from these behaviours. This Power can be as simple as Awareness.

The third step is very like imagining, but it is more directional and more specific. I have to decide to hand these behaviours over to that Power and to know that in this way they can be resolved. I came a little unstuck before, when I handed things over and within a few days/weeks/months, I would find that these behaviours were back in my brain, bouncing off the walls. The third step makes no statement about how many times we must hand over. In my experience, the more entrenched the behaviour is, the more often I need to hand it over.

After two years in recovery and 6 months ‘sabbatical’, it turns out that I need to return to step 1, 2 & 3.

That’s the way recovery goes….

 

Advertisements

A Good Habit

Some days, I have feelings. Actually, I have feelings every day, but I don’t always know exactly what they are. Before recovery, I would just go about my day and let ‘whatever’ pour out of my mouth, eyes & body. I would be rude, aggressive, compassionate, angry, funny, etc. Often I would feel guilty at the end of the day, because I acted in a way that made me feel ashamed.

Since I have started writing (almost) daily, about my recovery, I get to know how I feel. This means that I have the opportunity to give myself what I need, or to ask ¬†another for what I need, instead of going to ‘act out’ my feelings. This means that at the end of each day, I feel nurtured and cared for (by me) and I don’t have to deal with guilt & shame.

The Lesson: determine how I feel before I head out the door, so that I can get my needs met in healthy ways.

Side Effect: If I know how I feel before I leave my space, I won’t be blown about by the winds of the world.

This self awareness, along with the Daily Practice of Gratitude, is a habit I would like to cultivate.