When I first came into recovery in 2009, I attacked recovery with all the fierceness and enthusiasm I bring to everything in my life. Old timers and literature told me that ‘Easy Does It’ & ‘One Step At A Time’, but I didn’t listen. I wanted to be healed, recovered & whole again. I wanted it right now, I was sick & tired of being sick & tired.
I believe that I made quite a lot of progress in my recovery. I worked very hard at it. I worked so hard that I had little energy, time, inspiration left for anything else. And eventually, after two years of ‘recovering’, I had had enough. I couldn’t stomach thoughts of being powerless, of letting go, of nurturing a relationship with God. I wanted to just be, I wanted to take hold and I needed some people in my life.
I left recovery behind. That means I let go my habits of daily gratitude, of prayer and meditation and I stopped watching my behaviour. I left my blog behind and my friends in recovery. Any time I thought about these things, I quickly killed the thoughts and distracted myself with busyness.
Now months later, I find that I need my program in my new life and I need to learn how to integrate its principles in all of my affairs. I have missed all the things I left behind, most of all myself. Right away, I apply gratitude, I let go of that feeling of being left out and I sit down with a cup of tea and tell God all about it.